Sunday, January 20, 2008

Introduction to the Motley Mom

Hi! I'm Deirdre --------->
While this is my first blog here, I'm not new to blogging. I've been on MySpace for awhile now, but this seems a little more "family friendly" ;) . I'm a proud mama to three little rugrats who keep me hopping daily. I've written several blogs on my crazy life and thought it might be appropriate to let you know how my days progress. So, grab some coffee, sit back, and enjoy the chaos.
Ramblings of a housewife........

After running amuck all morning, I'm a tad bit caffeine inebriated. I tend to ramble. There's your warning, prepare yourself :)

I've come to the conclusion that I may be a bit A.D.D. No laughing (okay, you can giggle a little). I have no attention span whatsoever....hey did you watch CSI last night... (okay, kidding). Seriously, I started out with such good intentions this morning. Sorted the laundry (whoo hoo me!). As I carried the laundry downstairs, I noticed that one of my wonderful youngens had left a tennis shoe dipped in dog crap on the stairs. Dropped the laundry on the stairs, grabbed the shoe. Headed outside to hose off the shoe. Got outside and realized WHY the kid had stepped in dog crap. Dropped the shoe and proceeded to scoop dog poop (and yes, it was the butt crack of dawn). Waved to the neighbors behind me who were probably wondering why in the hell this woman in her jammies was out scooping dog crap at 6 am…okay, so it was probably closer to 7. Noticed that packing peanuts were piled up around the garbage can outside as I threw the doggie doo in, dropped the shovel, picked up packing peanuts. Remembered I needed to ship a package and went back inside (shoe with poop is now on the back patio baking in the sun (eww), shovel is laying next to garbage, poop is still all over the yard). Got inside and the youngens were up (and crabby). Forgot about mailing package. Assured the little one that he was NOT going to die if he ate his bananas, gave the middle kid biscuits with jelly. Realized the dog needed to be fed (why? It's just going to create more poop all over the yard!). Headed to the pantry to get dog food. Noticed that the dishwasher was done. Never made it to the pantry. Opened the dishwasher, p.o.'d because half the freakin' dishes were filled with water and poured out the minute I opened it. Now my feet are wet. Went to get towel...which reminded me that I needed to do laundry. Dripped wet feet over to the stairs to collect laundry which was thrown haphazardly in every direction (apparently the littlest youngen decided it would be fun to toss dirty undies in every which direction). Start picking up laundry, and realize it's time for the school bus. Headed back upstairs (screw the laundry). Middle youngen is waiting at the top of the stairs. Jelly. Freakin' Jelly. Have you ever tried combing through a glop of strawberry jam nestled in a mop of blonde hair? It's like trimming the lawn with a weed whacker (don't ask how I know). Drag middle youngen into the bathroom to attack jelly glob. Notice older youngen looking for missing shoe. Abandon jelly laden middle youngen, head back downstairs (launching my oh so agile body over the mass of laundry), out the door to get shoe (still decorated in dog doo and now nicely sunbaked on). Decide I don't have time to scoop (although I know my neighbors were disappointed they didn't get to peek at the psycho poop scooping nightie wearing freak). Hose off shoe, head back in. Realized, hey, "I didn't have my coffee". Actually, I sort of shouted this causing my little one to startle and slip in the now puddled up water by the dishwasher. Consoled youngen. School bus drives by (we're not on it). Crap, now I have to drive them. Dog is hungry, middle youngen' is whining about jelly, oldest youngen is complaining about her shoe being wet (I had to get the dog crap off somehow!). Grab coffee, scoop youngest under arms, leave comb embedded in middle youngens hair, and drag all three to the car ("my shoooooeeee's wet", "you didn't take the comb out", "whine, whine, - that's the dog...who has yet to be fed). Drive kids to school ("I forgot my backpack"). Drive home, grab backpack, head back to school, and then back home. Try to dress youngest for pre-school and realize he has no clean undies (they're scattered like snowflakes around my dining room awaiting their well deserved visit to the ol' washing machine). He free balls it. Drive youngest to school. Come home...and wake up husband (who has amazingly slept through all the chaos...or just ignored us..probably the latter). Not so bright hubby says, "I don't know why you're so busy, we should get a nanny so you can get stuff done". No joke. Smack hubby, grab more coffee. Nothings done, house is trashed, package is not mailed, yard is full of crap, dog is whining. And it's only 9:30am. Welcome to my life.


Stacie said...

ha ha. I have days like that too!

Wendy said...

LMFAO...Dre, I so feel your pain. That had to have been the funniest thing I have read in a while though. You should write a book (Im pretty sure we told you this before)as every woman who is a mom would read it.

Andrea said...

DR. DRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMIGOD!! That is so hilarious! No wonder you never return my cals ;-)

Welcome to the blogging world!

Andrea said...

If only I could learnt how to spelled.


Deirdre said...

You guys are hilarious. And "A" when did you call????

Cookie's Mommy said...

have you read the poem, "if you give a mom a muffin"?

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. She'll pour herself some. Her three-year-old will spill the coffee. She'll wipe it up. Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks. She'll remember she has to do laundry. When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer. Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper. She will get out a pound of hamburger. She'll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.) The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. She will look for her checkbook. The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old. She'll smell something funny. She'll change the two-year-old. While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring. Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee. Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup. She will pour herself some. And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

by Kathy Fictorie
based on "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Numeroff

Mom said...

I can just sit back and smile :)